Saturday, September 26, 2020
GovernmentSatire

TOXIC POSTINGS BY COMMISSIONER IN PITTSBURG

According to the acclaimed East Bey Thymes: 

‘Contra Costa County Health officials are warning visitors to City Hall against coming in contact with a certain Planning Commissioner after the discovery of a toxic effluence, 175 times over the safe limit, that was recently posted on social media platform, Facebook.

“With that high of a reading, it would behoove people to determine how extensive this is throughout City Leadership. This is true of all politicians,” supervising Environmental Health Specialist Joel Dossier said, noting the county has offered to do more testing.

Laurel Right, Pittsburg’s Environmental Affairs Manager, claimed surprise at the poisonous effluence spewed by the Commissioner. “Of course I have seen some toxicity — every city gets it, after all — but this is the first time I have seen material that offensive.”

During the last few weeks, Right commented, Pittsburg has experienced an extended period of hot tempers on across social media, ranging from petty name calling to outright verbal aggression, which she feels may have contributed to the problem.

“Sometimes in the heat, that’s when the immaturity grows,” she said. “Temperature can really drive it. It’s cooler now, so it has (hopefully) dissipated.”

City officials caution, however, that even if one doesn’t see the toxic Planning Commissioner, that doesn’t mean the city is safe.

“Without looking, no assumptions can be made,” Dossier said. “We would not consider it safe without further examination.”

“People should avoid coming into contact with the vitriolic Commissioner until further notice,” stated Christian Lucasi, Supervising Environmental Health Specialist. Livestock and pets should also be kept away from the Commissioner, who could disgust or even sicken them, he said.

“Pets are more susceptible because they can’t talk back,” he said, reflecting on their preference to lick wounds and hang tails. “It changes a little bit with humans — they take it more personally. And from City representatives, this behavior is completely inappropriate.”

In late August the Planning Commissioner’s repulsive words were published to a popular Facebook Group, Enabling Citizens And Their Detractors. In this post, the Commissioner penned a potentially libelous and utterly offensive attack on a group member in an incident spawned of severe immaturity and abject insecurity.

“Based on where we are detecting this behavior, we feel it could happen again to other people in the future,” Lucasi said.  “If you see this Commissioner in public, assume they are toxic. When they attack, it is not pretty.”

Right said the City of Pittsburg is investigating the unprofessional incident and is looking into future prevention. “This is the first time we ever had this situation,” she said. “‘We’re still investigating, trying to figure out how it got to that point. I can’t recall the last time I’ve seen something so petty and juvenile.”

Since no one knows why the Planning Commissioner stooped so low, residents can only speculate. “Egos are probably the biggest factor,” Dossier said. “Maybe there’s a legitimate reason — hopefully it’s not only because they are a jerk. Perhaps city officials need to improve their commissioner recruiting practices.”

Dossier added that social media platforms — like Facebook and Nextdoor — are key for the growth of toxic discourse.

“We encourage people not to abuse social media by letting ego rule our discussions,” he said. Dossier noted that cruelty and disrespect – noted methods of social engineering – are frequently used to control online conversations, but that this strategy was absolutely inappropriate for use by city representatives.’

 

 

NOTE: Although Pittsburg Voice has determined the identity of the Planning Commissioner in question, we are keeping it under wraps at this time. However, she is a newcomer whose term ends in 2020 and is known to be an argumentative, recalcitrant, faux-intellectual, generally considered to be an unfortunate addition to the traditionally professional commission. For more, click here to review the list of potential candidates.