Saturday, August 24, 2019
GossipSatire

Garaventaville: It’s gonna be beautiful. Just beautiful.

Hi there, my Silicon Soulmates. I trust you are all doing well.

 

Here’s a little tidbit for you. You might have skimmed past an article in our local publication, The East Bay Times on Pittsburg’s monuments. This is worth investigating further though: yes, the City is soliciting suggestions for statues, plaques and monuments around the town. We sneaked a peek at the shortlist. Here are some of the suggestions:

 

In honor of Services to Real Estate:
A golden bust of Albert Seeno, encrusted with 50 carat rubies for eyes and gold leaf hair. The teeth will be set with diamonds. The city will supply 24/7 security to guard the monument which will adorn the top of the restroom block next to the new bocce courts in Oldtown. Yes, the bocce courts paid for by Seeno.

 

In honor of Trash Services:
A 30′ tall statue of Joseph Garaventa made of plastic soda bottles and rotting kitchen waste, to stand astride the entrance to the City Hall driveway. You know, next to the giant, spinning, red anchor.

 

Our favorite though is the proposal to actually make the city itself the new monument. Yes, Pittsburg would change its name to the catchy, “See-No-Services-Garaventaville.” A plaque similar to the one above (another submission – is there a theme here??) will be placed at the entrance to all roads leading into the City.

 

Sigh… It’s gonna be big and it’s gonna be beautiful. Just beautiful.

 

~ Hal 9000

 

Note to City:

PV would have submitted its own suggestions, but the link to the “guidelines for submitting a proposal” in the article was broken. Wonder why that might be? Hmmm…